October 7th, 2023
So many of the Women that I meet in my work refer to themselves as an empath. And very shortly after telling me about their nature as an empath, they describe a series of abuses and harm that they have endured for most of their lives.
Being parentified as children or having to constantly meet needs of their emotionally neglectful parents
Often being approached by strangers and co-workers for advice or emotional dumping
Emotional and physical abuse by the men in their lives, especially romantic and sexual partners
Being financially exploited by family members, always being expected to carry the financial load or fix peoples’ irresponsibility with money
Being told that they have a “light” around them, but are always feeling energetically drained or tired
While these are some of the more common examples, what I find most interesting is how these Women quietly accept that this is their role to play, by virtue of being an “empath”. They feel that their purpose is to be in service to others’ needs and desires, and they cope by gaslighting themselves into believing that they are doing good by helping others. And while they feel drained, exhausted, resentful, and confused by the lack of reciprocity, they don’t see how their circumstances could change.
If we start getting down to the cold truth of it, many Women in this position don’t desire change, because while they feel depleted and neglected, they also feel deeply needed and have translated the need of others to siphon from them as a form of love. And because this is the way that they experience love, they fear changing the way that they show up in their own lives because to not overextend themselves for others, triggers a deep fear that they will not receive love. It doesn’t matter that they aren’t experiencing true love, this is what they know love to be and, in their minds, to not have it is to have nothing.
Many of these Women are so disconnected from themselves and their own desires that they have no sense of identity outside of their usefulness to others. These are the Women who reach their later years in life, after having raised their kids, taken care of the whole family, overworked themselves in jobs they never loved or were passionate about, look up and have no idea who they are, or where their lives went. This causes deep grief, anger, and regret, and can often manifest in debilitating illness or dis-ease from having spent their life force so diverged from their true path and purpose.
So, how does an empath course correct?
First, let’s get clear on what it means to be an empath. To put it simply, an empath is a person who is hypersensitive to the emotions and feelings of others.
This is an absolutely beautiful gift to have and gives you the ability to connect with people on a deep, healing, and intimate level. And as I’ve already noted, without proper understanding, self-esteem, and purpose, you can be a target for manipulators, abusers, and users.
Where empaths find themselves in trouble is that, largely due to childhood trauma, they feel that it’s their job to fix or heal the feelings and emotions of the people they come in contact with in order to experience acceptance, purpose, and love, which leaves them wide open to people with nefarious, selfish, or unconscious intentions. Anyone with powerful gifts needs to learn how to protect their energy, their aura, and their peace in order to not be taken advantage of, abused, or preyed upon.
If you see yourself as an empath and can relate to anything that I’ve spoken on so far, I’m going to give you some fundamental and practical ways to shift the trajectory of your life from that of a victim who is treated like a human battery, to that of an empowered, deeply gifted being who is able to use their gifts to honor their divine purpose with intention and self-love.
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR HOW YOU GOT HERE
You’re not responsible for the pain and chaos that you experienced as a child, but you are responsible for what you’ve allowed to continue well into your adulthood. Once you gain any level of awareness of the incongruence in how you show up for others vs what is reciprocated, and you continue to deplete yourself for the sake of others, you are making a choice to do so.
I’ll share with you a story about one of my besties. She’s a Generator (Human Design) and an empath who can see the literal auras around people. At her job, she was constantly being called in to work on her days off to help fix equipment issues, or put out various fires. Because she was so good at her job and loved her work, but was also constantly overextending herself, often being the only person in her department with knowledge of how certain mechanisms worked, she was looked at as the go-to for any issue.
Her co-workers and superiors didn’t care that she had just worked 5 consecutive night shifts or had already done most of the work setting up their environment for efficiency, they simply cared that she was the one who could fix the problem and had no issue asking her to consistently overextend herself. She had established a pattern of always saying yes, even when it infuriated her or made her feel like they didn’t care about her time or energy.
At the same time, her ego was being fed by feeling needed and being seen as the hero, so while she hated being called in, she never said no because the wound of over-giving in order to receive love was being satisfied in the exchange. The last time she called me to complain about it, I decided I didn't want to hear anymore. I had been driving for days to come and visit her and she called me less than an hour before my arrival to tell me that she was being called in to work to fix another issue and wouldn’t see me till late that night. She was furious and was expressing how unfair it was and that she was sorry that she couldn’t be there when I arrived.
She said she had no choice.
I told her that she absolutely had a choice and was making a clear choice to go in to work and that if she was going to go, then she should not complain or be angry. She countered by saying that no one else could fix it and she needed to be there, to which I explained exactly what I shared above about how she had created the dynamic by never saying no, and that it was not her responsibility to pick up the slack where her supervisors had failed to adequately train and prepare the other staff for these kinds of issues.
I let her know that I had no problem with her going in if she felt that it was the right choice, but that she was not allowed to make the choice and then be angry about it and complain to me about how unfair it was. She was allowing it to happen.
I acknowledged her fear of saying no and helped her see that the only way things would change would be for her to make a different choice than what she had been previously choosing. After a few minutes, she decided to say no and called her supervisor back to tell her that she would not being coming in and that they would need to figure it out.
After that, they stopped calling her in on her days off.
I know how hard it was for her to make that shift, but what really clicked for her in that moment was recognizing that her experience was not happening TO her, it was an experience that she was CHOOSING based on her fear of letting others down and a need to be needed, even when the dynamic was draining, unfair, and infuriating.
Once she took responsibility for how her choices had created the dynamic she was suffering in, she was able to consciously choose something different and break a long standing cycle of being taken advantage of. Since then, she has broken so many other cycles of being used by others and I could not be more proud of her!
When you recognize that you are creating your misery, you can be free to create something else that is empowering and honors your sovereignty.
LEARN TO EMBRACE AND EXPERIENCE YOUR OWN FEELINGS
One of the reasons why empaths are so keen to fix the feelings and emotions of others is because they don’t know how to handle their own emotions. Because they are unable to truly feel and process their own emotions, they have a hard time being confronted with the feelings and emotions of others, which is why they spring into action to “fix” whatever is causing the energetic overload they’re sensing. So while, yes, there is an underlying desire to help the other, much of the motivation comes from a desire to free themselves from having to feel what is uncomfortable or unbearable within them.
Every super hero is initially overwhelmed by their powers until they learn to harness them with control and purpose.
Learning to embrace and experience your own deep feelings and emotions will require you to journey into the depths of your shadows and wounds. When you begin facing the aspects of yourself that you’ve been hiding from because it’s too painful to bear, you will learn that facing that pain and allowing it to process through your body, will strengthen your capacity to hold your own intensity and the intensity of others in a way that is conscious, and deliberate.
One of the most powerful ways to assist yourself in this alchemical process is to offer yourself the empathy and compassion that you typically reserve for others. Empaths can be very hard on themselves, due to their wounds of never feeling good enough or worthy of love, and so learning to have compassion and empathy for themselves throughout the journey of shadow work is essential in rewiring the nervous system to remain steady in situations of heightened energetic awareness.
GIVE PEOPLE SPACE TO FEEL WHAT BELONGS TO THEM
As you continue to take responsibility for the life circumstance you create and you learn to hold the capacity of your own feelings and emotions, you also begin the process of releasing what does not belong to you. It doesn’t mean that you will no longer sense or even be highly aware of the emotional state of another, but you will learn to recognize that what they are radiating does not belong to you and you don’t have to take it on as if it does.
When you start allowing others to feel what belongs to them without giving in to the impulse to spring into action, you establish an energetic boundary that creates space for you to offer support or presence without being dragged under the waves of other people’s emotions and mental state.
Because, at this point, you will be operating from a place of greater presence and awareness, by simply pausing and asking yourself, “Does this feeling belong to me, or to them?”, you can delineate and release what is not coming directly from you and set boundaries accordingly.
An example of this could be a family member reaching out to you to once again ask to borrow money. They call you with a sense of urgency, explaining how dire their situation is and that they need help quickly or else *insert some calamity here* because you’ve heard it all at this point, right?
Their need and urgency is potent and you can feel the desperation, or pushiness, or entitlement in their energy, which makes you feel a strong impulse to give in. But their urgency does not belong to you, it belongs to them. By pausing to center into your own being, and get clear about where the feeling is coming from, you can recognize what is yours and what is not, and then respond appropriately based on what is best for YOU in that moment.
This is where it becomes very important for you to hold space for them to feel what belongs to them, not only so that you can get clarity on how to move forward in the situation, but so you are not bulldozed and by their reaction to your “No”.
When you learn to feel and accept your own anger and frustration, you can hold space for the anger and frustrations of others toward you without being deterred from your own path. This is not an easy dance and will require will power, deeper self-love, practice, and missteps on your part. But as you get more comfortable with being uncomfortable or creating discomfort in others, you will no longer give in to the energy of others that is designed to take from you without care or reciprocity.
LEARN TO RESET YOUR ENERGY & PROTECT YOUR AURA
In the vein of understanding exactly what energy belongs to you and what doesn’t, auric self-care for empaths is a non-negotiable. Many empaths become reclusive as a means of protecting themselves from the onslaught of energy they deal with out in the world, but great energetic clearing and protection can alleviate much of that if you stay consistent and vigilant about showing yourself higher levels of care and maintenance.
There are a number of practices and rituals that you can adopt into your routine in order to cleanse your energy or create force fields of protection around yourself as you navigate the world and the myriad of energies that you will encounter day to day.
Here are a few examples:
Herbal and floral baths
Grounding in nature
Cord cutting visualizations
Black walnut baths for especially potent, dark, or parasitic energies
Visualizing a sphere of protection around your aura
Mantras to bind or rebuke outside energies
These examples can be practiced intuitively or you can search for tutorials. There is no wrong way as long as you are clear in your intention to protect and cleanse yourself. You’d be surprised how wonderful you’ll feel by simply taking a shower and visualizing all of the energy you encountered that day rinsing off of your being and flowing away down the drain.
THE EMPOWERED EMPATH
The reason why I titled this letter, “The Condundrum of The Empath” is because it’s confusing for someone to have the ability to feel so deeply, while feeling absolutely overwhelmed and miserable by this gift. You are not cursed to suffer and to be a footstool for others, and you are not doomed to a life of reclusiveness and solitude unless that it what you truly desire, which I doubt, because even the most introverted of us still need the bonds that come with human connection and affection.
Allow this letter to serve as an incredible framework to begin rewriting your story as a deeply feeling, highly sensitive being, who ultimately came into this lifetime in order to fulfill a deep and powerful purpose for the human collective. The painful experiences of your past were to prepare you for the work that you are meant to do in this world and your desire to help and show love and care to others is not in vain, it just needs some refinement, clear boundaries, and strengthened sense of self so that you can operate at your full capacity without being a magnet for users and abusers.
Yes, you do have a powerful light and it attracts all types of beings, even the ones who mean you harm, but it is your responsibility to create the parameters to protect your gift so that you can operate in love and devotion, without being drained and depleted. The world needs you, otherwise, you wouldn’t be here with the the beautiful and impactful gift that you possess. If you choose to step into your power in a way that is grounded, intentional, and rooted in love for yourself *first*, you will be unstoppable and also help show the world how to love more fully and deeply.
This is the ultimate gift of the empath.
GO DEEPER WITH ME
You are not meant to do this alone. Invite me to be an integral part of your journey.
If you're an empath who is ready to experience deeper layers of empowerment, freedom, and courage to stand in your true light and emotional expression, join my new group mentorship program, ATTUNEMENT, which will begin the week of the 16th, exact date to be announced. I still have 12 of the 15 spaces available.
Click here to read the full email I sent out detailing the beauty of this program. The start date was pushed from the original start date of October 10th.
Here is what you receive in the membership:
2 Live Group Calls Per Month | 2 Hours In Duration
Invaluable insight from the guidance other Women receive in addition to you
Introduction to your Human Design chart and guidance tailored for your unique mechanics
A Private WhatsApp group to stay connected and receive continued guidance, support, and Sisterhood between calls
Guided Meditations and Visualizations
Embodiment Practices
Bonus Calls (because I love talking to y'all) and Special Guest Speakers
The monthly exchange for this membership is $300 and requires a 3 month commitment in order to maintain the integrity and sanctity of the space.
There are two ways to pay:
If you pay upfront for all three months in full at $900, I'll gift you a complimentary Private Intuitive Guidance Session ($400 Value) with me which will radically amplify your growth and progress in the space.
Or you can make 3 monthly payments.
Email me at andrea@goddessvibes.com or DM me on Instagram to let me know you're ready to join, which option you're choosing, and I'll send you a payment link so you can claim your spot.
COME EXPERIENCE *RADIANCE* IN COSTA RICA November 28th - December 3rd My powerful and luxurious Goddess retreat, RADIANCE, still has spaces available. This is for the Woman who... Who desires to light up every room that she enters... Who is ready to claim her power as a Goddess and Creatrix... Who embraces the opportunity to meet her shadows with bravery... Who wants to revel in her sensual nature... Who craves to know pleasure as her birthright... Who wants to love and accept all that she is... Who is calling in the ability to create abundance in all realms of her desire...
RADIANCE will be experienced at Casa Mona in Punta Uva, Costa Rica from November 28th to December 3rd. What you will receive:
6 Days and 5 Nights in luxury accommodations - Either a shared bungalow or a private villa
My full presence, attention, guidance, and support for the entirety of the experience
Lifelong bonds with your retreat Sisters, healing the Sister wounds that we all carry in our DNA
Powerful facilitators that will lead you in sensual movement practices, Kundalini Activation Process, yoga, and plant medicine ceremony
Full immersive experiences in the lush and deeply Feminine energy of Costa Rican nature
Chef prepared plant based welcome dinner and daily breakfast using fresh and local ingredients
- Lunch will also be provided on days that we are on property during lunch time
With Love & Gratitude,
